Last Minute Updates

OK, OK. So I lied, this is my last post. I just had a few more random events to share.

- It is official, EVERYONE in Europe wears "granny panties."

- I just discovered that our apartment had an intercom with a monitor. I was extremely bored so I decided to have some fun with the people on the street by picking up the phone, turning on the camera, and trying to shout things to passers by... haha... It didn't work. I don't think they heard me. Oh well, would have been good fun!

- Johnny asked me to take two of his jackets back to Cali to donate them. Instead, I donated them to housekeeping. He must be crazy to think I'm going to do him a favor.

- I totally couldn't sleep last night I was so freaking excited to come home! I think I got maybe 3 hours... I'll catch up on my 10 hour flight. Bleh!

- So this HUGE bug bite on my arm... yeah I forgot I had Claratin. That's for allergies right? Contains anti-histamines? Anyway I finally took one and it's getting better =)

- I noticed that there are ZERO American cars out here. A million smart cars and the rest are nasty hatchbacks. Nothing exciting. One Bentley though!!

- I think their form of fast food and hamburgers is PLAIN sandwiches. There's sandwiches EVERYWHERE. I'm thinking Taco Bell for the next few weeks to even it all out.

And then here's the kicker... ready?
So Johnny gave me $1,400 when we got out here as payment for Toronto and this trip. I exchanged $200 and bought a bunch of stuff. Then he gave me that extra money when he left and I used it wisely and when I got to the airport, I got $150 back! Minus the gift I bought for a friend of my dad's that she's paying me for which was $25. Soooooo, in all I only spent $25!!! hahaha Soooo, all of your souveneirs, say thanks to Johnny! haha =)

Love you all. See you soon!!!

Day 10

Well guys, this is it. I leave tomorrow morning so I'm going back to the apartment to pack. My last day was peaceful. I woke up at a decent time, had some cereal, found the blanket I thought the maids took hidden in the closet, and got ready to spend another day at the internet cafe's. LoL. I found a Subway!! I wish I would have found it earlier but Micky D's was good too. I ordered a sandwich and chips and took it down to the beach where I sat in the sun, listened to some music, and watched the boats said by (alond with a huge cruise ship... cool... and men in speedos... not cool...). On my walk back to the apartment I got a milkshake and headed back to the cafe to finish some school work.


The older gentleman at the cafe I'm at now as I mentioned before is really really nice. He reminds me of Clint Eastwood in appearance. When he was hooking up my computer to the internet, I asked him what kind of crazy bugs they have out here. (Did I mention I have this monstrous bug bite on my fore arm? Very red, swollen, and itchy!!!) Anyway, he comes over right now with a lemon and asks if it's itchy and I said yes, but mostly it burns a little because it's so hot... like my skin is literally hot! So he said that putting lemon on it might help.... I've never heard that but sure, let's gove it a try. So he cut the lemon in half and rubbed it on my arm and it felt good mostly because it was cold, but I don't know how much it helps. It smells good =) He's so nice!! I come here everyday, sometimes twice a day so he jokes with me a lot. He's my friend, but I'm not sure of his name.


Please pray that everything goes as planned tomorrow. I'm sure it'll all be fine, but I just don't want to miss a train or something or not have enough time. My train leaves here at 7am and I get into Paris at 12:15, but then I have to take the Metro about an hour to the airport. I have to be checked in my 2:55 so I really shouldn't be stressing. Just that one day freaked me out that's all. As long as I make THIS train leaving Cannes, then I'll be ok. I'm planning to be there at 6am because the train will most likely be there early for boarding. I'd rather be early and have to wait, yunno. I love you all and I can't wait to get home to you!!!

Thank you for showing your love and support....

Ashley

Day Five

We didn’t get up and out until almost noon. We figured we’d eat before we got to the Louvre so we found a nice restaurant for brunch. Apparently they don’t have much of a breakfast type meal or lunch at this restaurant, so we had full on dinners. I had salmon and mashed potatoes and Tamara had come scallop meal while Johnny had oysters (again) and sole (for the fifth time, really). We started bickering once again (I know, it’s bad) because he made some comment about retaining water and Tamara asked a question that I answered, but Johnny apparently didn’t agree with my answer. Of course! You would think he purposely disagrees. I forget what he was even saying mostly because it was wrong. Now I’m not saying that I’m always right because often, I’m not! But he thinks that just because he used to work out with a “professional body builder” four years ago, he knows all there is to know about how the body functions. Hello! I’m a geek! Physiology, my favorite class ever! Sigh. Whatever Johnny. You are soooo smart!

Anyway, sorry. Where was I. Oh, the Louvre. Um, boring. I mean, there’s HUGE paintings that are like 20x30 feet and that’s awesome! And the statues are pretty, but when you’ve been walking through the place for four hours, everything starts to look the same! Johnny rented a “tour guide,” which was a handheld PDA type thing that explained selected art pieces. So the only part I really did enjoy was actually sitting there and hearing about a few different paintings. Um, the Mona Lisa? A MILLION people crowded around this itty bitty painting and I’m sure NO ONE knows WHY it’s so unique. I came to realize that places like the Louvre and balloon rides… I’ve always wanted to go because, well, who doesn’t? It’s famous and romantic and blah blah blah but honestly, I’m done going places and seeing things and doing things just because the whole world has hyped it up to be so amazing. It’s not that I don’t appreciate these things, but I really wasn’t interested =/ I hope that doesn’t sound bad. Maybe I just realized (again) that I’m really OK with enjoying the simple things in life.

We walked back to the hotel, stopping to shop along the way, had our last dinner together in Paris, and headed back to the room. We stopped to get one last crepe, which gave all of us stomach aches. Johnny and Tamara got ready to go to Moulin Rouge and I got ready to do homework. =/ It was a long night, but I would have rather been doing homework than at another Burlesque show, that’s for sure!!

Day Four

I know I know. It’s Day 9 and I’m posting Day 4. Sorry I'm late.


Friday was the “big day” according to Johnny. It was his last chance to get Tamara to fall for him by surprising her with out Hot Air Balloon ride. I woke up early in the morning and had to make arrangements to get to the train station and then our ride from the station to the balloon site. It was a very hectic morning. The gentleman as the front desk helped me map it out and told us where to go and when to leave and everything. I finally got the kids ready and we left to grab some sandwiches to eat on our 3 hour train ride. We got to the metro, which is really close to us, and I realized I forgot the tickets in the room (which they NEVER asked for!!!!) So I ran back to the room, dodging people, small children, and animals. I swear I felt like a football player and probably looked like one too! I get back, we jet to the metro, and head for the train station.


We get there and have no idea where to go. The train was leaving in ten minutes and we didn’t have our tickets yet. We stood in one line, she said to go upstairs. So we did and stood in another line. She said to go upstairs… which “upstairs” woman?!?! By the time we got to the right ticket booth, the train had left already. The Loire valley is really far and we wouldn’t have made it by any other train, bus, metro, or taxi on time (4pm) for the balloon company to pick us up. I had to act fast. I felt like it was my fault for forgetting the tickets and making us late, but that only took maybe five minutes. We still would have had to wait in lines and stuff. Even then, we should have left earlier, which is kinda my fault, but the guy said 11:30!! I trusted him =/ Jerk.


Anyway, so I called the balloon company and told them that there was one last train but it didn’t get there until 5:06, an hour late, but could they still wait for us? Surprisingly enough she said yes! Yipee! I really didn’t care at that point about the balloon ride, I just didn’t want Johnny to kill me for making him lose out on over $1,200!! I made it through that flaming loop, but the next one would be even higher (I’m totally picturing I Love Lucy when she was dressed like a horse or something and she couldn’t jump through because of her calves or hamstrings or something. Lol.)


Anyway, we get on our train and we have assigned seats clearly printed on our tickets. Instead, Johnny and Tamara want to sit in these other seats and I’m trying to tell them these are not our seats but they both just turn around and sit down. Whatever! Why not just freaking sit in the right seats? I don’t get it. As soon as I sit down, seriously, seconds later, a couple walks up and says that those were their seats. Of course they are! They’re definitely not ours, sir. Oh how I wanted to just grab one tiny smart remark from the millions that floated through my head… but I didn’t. I bit my tongue yet again.


I fell asleep until we got to our connecting station. I asked the lady if this was the right station, and she looked confused, but motioned with her hands to stay here on this train, or at least that was what it looked like. So we sat down again for a few minutes but we all kinda felt that we should be getting off so I went to ask her again and her eyes got really wide and she motioned to follow her. She ran off and I was trying to keep up with her, carrying my Mary Poppins bag. At some point I thought maybe I’ll just wait for her, but she kept turning around to make sure I was there. We seriously ran through probably six cars. By the time we got to the front, the conductor lady on the outside spoke English and said we needed to switch trains but HURRY because this front door was the only door open (why?!?!)! So here I go, booking it to the back of the train to get Johnny and Tamara. People were looking at us like we were freaking insane… which I guess we are. Crazy Americans. We jump off the train and I wish I could tell you some amazing story like the door was closing and the train was already moving and it caught my jacket so I did a sweet spin move and the train took off with my jacket!!!..... Alas, I cannot. We made it actually. She ran us down the stairs to our next train and we jumped in just in time.


Whfew!!! What a freaking rush that morning was!!!! Once we got to the right station, the lady was really nice and wasn’t upset at all. We got to the site and they were still blowing up the balloon. We all jumped in and well, it was… pretty? He dipped the balloon down a few times so low I thought maybe we were landing. I mean, less than two feet off of the ground! And once I swear we were going to land in water. And then Tamara, "Do you think this thing floats?".... (cricket, cricket) It’s a basket Tamara. I don’t think so ………


Unfortunately, I can’t say many amazing things about the balloon ride. Really wasn’t that big of a deal and all of the madness from the morning was definitely not worth it. We only saw one castle and there were bugs crawling all over the place. It got a little crazy when we landed because you have to squat down low and the basket usually tips over and you crawl out. Ours didn't and I was a little disappointed. It would have brought some sort of thrill. Afterwards we had to help them deflate the balloon and pack it up. It’s harder than it looks really. This old man was video taping the whole time and even had the camera in one hand and using the other to help with the balloon. He ended up falling and rolling over and I couldn’t help but laugh so hard I had to turn around. I know it’s sad but I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at how funny it would be to be sitting there watching the movie and then all of the sudden you see sky, and then ground, oh wait, that’s just grandpa rolling on the ground.


And theeeeeen they broke out the champagne and orange juice. Geez these people don’t quit with the drinking!! So we all had a toast and since it had been hours since I ate last and I had two small glasses (because the guy wouldn’t stop filling it up!!!!!), I um… well, I was having a good time. lol.


Out train didn’t leave for another two hours and out of a different train station. The lady, named Lidy actually, said she would show us the station and then take us back to the town so we could eat and then we’d walk back to the station afterwards. Sounded like a good plan.


They crammed us in the back of this van to take us all back to the meeting place. It was Johnny and I and these two young guys (the sons of one of the ladies that worked there) in the back of a van/bus thing. We’re all cracking up and Johnny is asking them how to say inappropriate things in French (does this surprise anyone?) There’s an older couple in front acting like they don’t hear us but they’re cracking up as well. I’ll admit, we were ALL a little tipsy. So I, really just trying to cover our butts, ask the guys if they want to come to dinner with us (and then take us to the station so we wouldn’t have to walk lol). I’m smart like that right? Johnny, the weirdo that he is, of course assumes I’m flirting, which, ok I guess that’s valid, although I totally wasn’t. They agree to show us a good restaurant and take us, no problem!! Yipee!! So we go eat and Johnny again is saying things he shouldn’t and I feel bad for the guys because Johnny is loud and saying things that are offensive to French people. I wanted to shove a dinner roll in his mouth so bad and just tell him to shut up!! Then he tells me and the guy to take a picture together and have him kiss my cheek and then he’s trying to make the guy feed me! WHAT THE HECK!!!! Seriously, he’s weird, like… something in his brain is just off! I'm so over our "friendship."


After dinner they drive us to the train station which was SO far! Even though Johnny was acting weird and trying to get me to kiss this guy, I’m still glad I spoke up because it was almost 9:30 and dark and cloudy and this was the last train and we totally would not have made it if we had walked there! It was like a maze! They were crazy to think we would have been able to find it alone!!


Anyway, we made it home and knocked out!!! We planned to go to the Louvre the next day but I didn’t plan on waking up until I wanted to! I needed some freaking sleep!!!

Day 8ish Part Two

Woo Hoo! I get back to the room and there’s towels!! But um… my blanket is gone. Not the comforter that came on the bed, but MY blanket. Ok I don’t want to sound like I’m three, but I have this blanket that I kinda stole from first class Korean Airlines. It’s the perfect size and thickness. I rarely use the blankets on my own bed because this is perfect. I mean, I stole it from someone so I guess I have it coming to me that someone else steals it from me? So I call the office and politely thank them (totally assuming for their sake) for cleaning it for me, but if they can being it back tomorrow, it would be great. She said it was no problem so if I don’t see a purple Korean Airlines blanket on my bed tomorrow, I’m marching my happy butt right on down to the office.

On the upside my laundry was done! But, um… now for the dryer? I started it the first time, now what buttons did I press? Somehow I started the washer all over again and it started to fill with water. Frantically pushing any button that would make it stop, it finally emptied of water, but the thing wouldn’t open! I tried everything at it was locked shut. After fighting with the thing for about ten minutes, I gave up and sat in the dinning room. As soon as I did, out of the corner of my eye, the “lock” button started flashing. I dashed over and pulled open the door. Triumphantly, I rejoiced in overcoming the battle between me and the foreign washing machine! Um, but they’re still sopping wet. I proceeded to ring out all of my clothes and hang them on the towel rack in the bathroom. Hopefully the maid doesn’t steal them!!

I laid down to watch TV and of course, nothing in English. I did notice that I had a bug bit on my arm this morning and it’s progressively getting larger and larger. Hopefully my arm doesn’t fall off or a spider didn’t lay eggs in my arm because I have a flight to catch and I don’t have time to go to the hospital in France!!

To avoid being a loser, I walked over to the other internet café. I spend almost all day there between posts, emails, and homework. The older gentleman that runs it speaks very good English and he’s so polite. For some reason the wi-fi wasn’t working and I really didn’t want to use their PCs because their keyboard isn’t the same. He tried for almost 20 minutes and felt bad so he gave me a free coffee. Ugh, I’m wired now!! I asked for some gum because the stuff was strong! They call it Hollywood Chewing Gum out here. I laughed and asked him why that was and he replied, “Because that’s what they do in Hollywood.” (chomp chomp) Um, OK. So they don’t chew gum in France? LoL. That’s a pretty weird stereotype! Since Johnny left I didn’t have an adapter for my laptop plug. I was looking for one all day and didn’t find one so I asked him if he knew where I could get one. And then like magic, he bent down and one just appeared! LoL. Why didn’t I ask him before?!? Oh, a side note… all of their computers have little cameras on top and this guy was using it to sign to someone! It was so cool!!! I love sign language.

I finished up some work and headed back to my room. I was hungry so I decided to have dinner at good old Micky Dees. I put on my new boots, my new jewelry, and even put on some make-up. =) What? I needed to feel pretty! I know, all to go to McDonald’s. But this is dinner. You’re supposed to get dressed for dinner… no matter where it is right? Haha. Ok fine. No.

Apparently the French think I’m Caribbean and won’t leave me alone, at least that is what I was told. Whatever. I’m not trying to pat my self on the back or say that I’m worthy of all these guys hitting on me because really, Tamara is way prettier than I am but they look at me?!? What the heck. The point is that guys will try to talk to me and I guess the dear-in-headlights look gives me away. They politely step down. But not the guys tonight at McDonald’s. I honestly couldn’t stop laughing. So I’m sitting there trying to eat and there’s a group of guys nest to me that are trying to talk to me but I obviously don’t understand. Instead of giving up they just keep on talking to me. They are going on and on and on and I’m just sitting there like, hello, I don’t understand you!!! One of them asks me my name and repeats it, like he’s processing it. I go back to working and a couple minutes later I hear, “Ashley, ASHLEY, ashley?, aaaashley,” as if he’s practicing saying my name? I jut look at them and start busting up and then we’re all rolling and I have NO IDEA still what they’re saying. So I go back to working and again, a few minutes later, “Ashley?” I look up and they start talking to me again. Dude!!! What don’t YOU understand about me NOT understanding YOU? As if maybe if he gave it a minute, I’d magically be able to understand French. This amusement went on for about fifteen minutes until one guy turned to me and said, “Ashley, suck my…” Yes. He said it. My smile faded really quick and judging from the looks on their faces they knew that maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say. They tried calling me a few more times and I ignored them. Out of the corner of my eye I could tell that they felt bad. When they left, they tried to say sorry but my glare stopped him mid sentence. You know, the glare you give a child when they’ve gone too far and you’re about to hand it to them? I cut him off and said to him without being loud and ghetto but instead with that calm yet stern voice that means business, “Don’t you ever say that again! If you’re trying to pick up on women, that is NOT what you want to say. Possibly it would be best for you to learn a new phrase. Thanks for the offer but NO!” He walked away quietly with his head low and tail between his legs. Pervert!

Day 7 and 8

So today is Tuesday, that would be day 8 right? Anyway, things are getting much better. I guess this blog will just combine the last few days. So Johnny is pretty much upset with me and thinks that the whole reason Tamara is not interested in him is because I made him look bad and blah blah blah. She wants to marry this guy she's dating! This all has nothing to do with me. So he keeps taking her intot he room and closing the door and whispering, but he's not so good at that and he's just talking about meetings and nonsense really. It made me laugh because I know that he's just trying to make me mad. So I called him out on it. I asked him to come into my room and sit down because now I needed to talk to him. I asked him why he keeps taking us intot he room alone and whispering when he has NOTHING important to say. He's totally trying to play games and I see right through it. Anyway, he started yelling at me and saying all these random things and blaming everything on me and telling me that I don't do anything for him. HaHa. Right. I totally do EVERYTHING for him! Whatever, I just smiled at him as he threw a hissy fit telling me that I ruined his chances with someone he truly cares about. I honestly had to hold back the laughter.

Then he's trying to convince me to have lunch with Bernardo while I'm here (for those of you who don't knowm he's just another hollywood business guy that looks like a cross between Jude Law and Matthew McConaughey. Had a meeting with him once and he wont stop asking about me.) Tamara jumps in and sais that he was ALL about me but it was obvious what he really wanted. Oh my goodness!!! My answer was no before but now it's a definite NEVER thank you very much!! And here's Johnny trying to convince me to go out with him. This just shows how ignorant Johnny really is to not just women, but to who I really am. We've been friends for a while, although never close, but he should know me well enough to understand that I would never go out with Bernardo, especially when he knows what Bernardo is all about and he knows I'm very interested in someone else. He even went as far to say that if I can't find a place to stay Wednesday night that I should call Bernardo. He's sitting there laughing and I'm just staring at him wondering if any woman could ever love a man like him. I bet he'll be single forever. It's pretty sad.

When they got back late last night he came into my room and siad that they were leaving to go to Venice early the next morning. He gave me 200€, which was supposed to be for food. He said that I could use the money he gave me for actually doing work for him to buy a hotel if I needed to.

The next morning I was surprised to hear good old Tamara knocking at my door to say good bye and she actually said she feels bad for leaving me. So DOES have a heart!!!! Good for her! After they left I got up and took a shower, drying myself off with some random sheets because the maid took the towels!!! Why on Earth would you take all of the towels?? All I could do was laugh it off. This trip just gets weirder and weirder.

I walked to the train station to make sure everything was set for Thursday, checked my email, and went to the supermarket to buy some food so I could conserve the money Johnny gave me. Lunch and dinner are usually around 40€ a day... so i bought some milk, cereal, and some laundry detergent because I really needed to wash some clothes. After the I paid the lady, she set everything on the other side of the register (where that bag lady usually stands) and turned around to help the guy behind me. Umm, apparently you are supposed to bring your own bags. Good to know. I stood there for a second slightly comfused, then figured what the heck, I'm not that far, and just walked home carrying my goods.

So then it gets interesting. How do I use this washin machine? I threw the clothes in, did a little "eeny meeny miny mo" and squirted the detergent into one of the three anonymous compartments and shut the door. There were three dials, a million buttons, and not enough pictures so I started pressing anything that would make it go. It started moving so I poured myself some cereal and watched. Hm, dryer. Dangit! Start over.... I picked up my bowl to watch the show once again. It started making some noise, but I didn't see any water or soap or movement. I know I must have looked really silly because there I was, cereal in had, no shirt because I got hot and was in the middle of changing when I decided to start the laundry... and I'm just standing there... watching intently. PRESTO WAMMO! Got it! Suds and everything swirling like little synchronized swimmers.

After finishing my cereal and throwing on a shirt of course I thought I'd walk down to the office for the company who rented out to us and beg them to let me stay one more night. Couldn't hurt right? After kinda getting lost, I fonally found in about a mile and a half away from the apartment. Even if I did stay one more night, what a pain it would be to lug all of my bags over there at 6am and then walk all the way back to the train station. Surprisingly enough, she said it was no problem at all for me to stay one more night and that I can just leave the keys in the room after I leave. Wonderful!

On my walk back, I stopped in Claire's of all places!!! I'm on the French Riviera and I'm shoppin at Claire's, a place I don't even go to when I'm in California! Shopping always makes me feel better, but spending money doesn't and everything out here is very expensive. So I figured I could use some jewelry to spice up my life =) I ended up buying two pairs of earings, two bracelettes, and a pair of boots. HAHA. K wait... now I know you're thinking "boots? Claire's?" I know I know. They're really cute coyboy boots that I can wear for dancing or with jeans! And they were cheap!! I they were 25€ compared to the 255€ boots I found at another store and no one (besides you and everyone else reading this) will never know =) And if they did, who cares!!! They look good and that's aaaaaalll that matters.

So now I'm here at the cafe starving. I think yogurt sounds good for now and McDonald's for dinner. What? It's much cheaper than the other random food they have here! And a quarter of the price. I'm thinking after my nap I am going to put on my iPod and do some pleiometrics in the living room along with some push ups, sit ups, squats, and anything else I can think of. I have been wanting some new running shoes. Maybe later I'll go down to footlocker and see if they have anything worth spending too much money on just so I can go running for two days. I'll let you know how it goes ;-)

Au revoir for now....

Tidbits

Mommy:

I freaking feel like I’m the mommy out here! I plan activities, eating and traveling arrangements, and handle all of the business stuff. I wake people up every morning and make sure they’re getting ready on time. I have my bag of tricks which typically contains waters and extra money for everyone, hand wipes, gum, shout wipes, tissues, extra headphones, chap stick, travel documents, lotion, and snacks. My goodness! You would swear like I’m traveling with my two year olds! Nope, my children are 24 and 31. And Johnny acts like he’s three sometimes. He likes to get excited about his stories, which is great, but he also tells the same stories OVER and OVER! He’s kinda loud and obnoxious at times. He’ll wake up and blast his rap music from 5 years ago SO loud while we’re still trying to sleep. He has no concept of an inside voice.

Massages:

Before we left I was convincing Johnny to buy us all massages once we got out to Paris. Now I’m REALLY needing one because I have to carry around my Mary Poppins bag everywhere. I’m disappointed though because our hotel has apartments only, which just means big rooms! Our apartment had a kitchen and living room (Johnny’s room) downstairs and then two rooms and the bathroom upstairs. We had maid service everyday, but no room service, no spa. No spa?!?! I know. No spa =/ Which meant no massages. On the bright side, Tamara and I have become pretty close so I’m thinking of hitting her up to work out the kinks in my back. LoL. I’ll return the favor though. She’s been complaining about her shoulders. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours right? Haha It’ll give us more time for girl talk ;-)

Belt:

So like most guys, Johnny bought a pair of pants without ever tryin them on. He gets out here and they are way too big. He's walking around grabbing is crotch area to hold up his pants. So I insisted we find him a belt before dinner. Of course, he finds a Dolce&Gabana belt that’s about 200 Euros… which is close to $400 I believe. Two days later, he finds a belt he likes better…. And spends another $300!!! ON A BELT!!!!! Absurd!

Rip:

I ripped my jeans =/ my FAVORITE pair too! They’re still wearable, but they look kinda tacky now. They were made to look a little torn, so there was a small hole in the knee. Well I was in a hurry to get ready the second day and I shoved my foot right through the hole and made it MUCH larger. I’m so sad because they were REALLY expensive! Good thing about Buckle and Nordstrom is that I can take them back and they’ll probably exchange them, no question asked, even though I’ve had them for about six months now =)

Hair:

I’M DYING!! I really need to straighten my hair, but I can’t! I brought all of my tools, but we only have two converters, which could work, but there’s only one plug in the bathroom. I’m going insane. Dirty hair is disgusting and I feel like a dirty animal!!! Haha

Clothes:

I thought I packed too much, now I’m realizing that I totally didn’t pack enough!! I’m freaking running out of underwear!!! I think I’m going to have to wash some clothes in the sink and hang them up to dry haha I thought about going shopping they do have an H&M here, but things are ENTIRELY too expensive out here! Every meal is almost $150, well, lunch and breakfast at least. Dinner is around 300 Euros, which is around $500!!! I can’t believe that Johnny is spending this much money without stressing!

UPDATE: The apartment in Cannes has a washer and dryer. Yay!!!

Showers:

Showers are now my favorite thing to do. I usually take pretty quick showers in the morning just because I wake up at the last moment possible and I don’t have time to take a long shower… and I’m not down for wasting so much water. But here… we’re out all day long walking around and that’s my only time to be alone without Johnny asking me a million questions and reminding me of things he’s already asked me to do. The only time I get for complete SILENCE! The shower is really weird because it’s a normal shower/tub, but instead of there being curtains or a door, there’s only a tall strip of glass shielding the front half of the shower. Therefore, the back half is completely open!! I haven’t figured out how NOT to turn the bathroom floor into a swampy mess. Anyway, back to my showers. The water pressure is really hard and there’s a HUGE shower head that reminds me of a vichy massage and the spa. I end up taking 30 minute showers and just standing there… eyes closed, ready to fall asleep standing up. Then, afterwards, I go right back into the battle field. How quickly the peacefulness is covered up with annoyance!

French People:

Everyone warned me that the French are rude and smelly. So far, I have not ran across any that fit that description. Granted, we have been at restaurants and such, so of course they’re going to be very nice, but either way, walking along the streets, people in the cafes and stores… no one is rude. No one smells. In fact, they ALL dress very nice and rather spiffy! I’m totally dressing like a Paresian this winter with my peacoats, scarfs, and boots!!

Bathroom Trauma:

So I got locked int he bathroom! Johnny apparently broke the INSIDE knob to the door and I didn't know. So I closed it and locked it and when I realized I forgot something, I tried to get out but couldn't find the handle!! I was freakign out and started pounding on the door. I guess instead of fixing it or letting somone know he broke it, he left the handle laying in the corner on the floor. Hm, not exactly the smartest thing. But then again, who said Johnny is smart in those areas? Not I.

Toilet Paper:

IT'S PINK! How cool is that?!?! OK not everywhere, but a lot of places. Fancy!

Day Six...

... of the INSANITY!!


I’m done! If I could jump on a plane and come home NOW I would. I can’t take anymore of Johnny. For a rich guy, Johnny is pretty down to Earth. But as a whole, he’s a pretty egotistical ^*&^$%#@@!$%#^*&^%$#$%^&*&(*^%$#. Everything he does is in HIS best interest. He DID take us to France and wine us and dine us and stuff, which is VERY generous, but still his motives are slightly skewed. It started as soon as we got to the airport in L.A. Each of us has a large suitcase and a carry on bag…. I have two of course. He’s lugging around ALL of Tamara's stuff and here I am, struggling with my stuff. But you know what, I’m a big freaking girl that has beat guys in arm wrestling so screw that. I don’t need his help. Everything is about Tamara and oh wait, oh yea there’s Ashley trying to keep up while he holds doors for her and forgets about me. It eased up over the last few days when he found out she has a boyfriend and he took EVERYTHING the wrong way, again, taking her charming, delicate, and sweet personality as flirting with him. Anyway, we’ve been bickering lately. He disagrees with everything I say. I give up and give in every time. I don’t want to argue. There’s no use when I KNOW I’m right and I KNOW he’s not going to give up. So I just say “OK Johnny, you’re right. Let’s move on.” I don’t think he likes that but what else do I do to get him to shut up?!?!

We have to take the subway to get to our train station. There’s a million flights of stairs and I have my two rolling bags and my laptop bag on my shoulder and Johnny is wheeling her bag and his along with both of their carry ons… Tamara has only her purse. Ok whatever, he can’t take ALL of our stuff but while Johnny is OBVIOUSLY struggling with all of the bags and Tamara is telling him that she’s fine to take her own, he’s maybe feeling like he has something to prove and he wont let her. She doesn’t want him so he needs to give that up… but whatever. Like I said, he can’t carry everything, even if he could, I doubt he’d help me out, but ok. At least offer once! So we’re trying to go up and down these stairs and our bags are all heavy. He lugs down all of their bags and stands there and waits for me to all of the sudden acquire super human strength and juggle my suitcases down the stairs, maybe do a few back flips, balance the bag on my chin while riding a unicycle, and then maybe swallow my purse and pull it out of my belly button like David Blain (the magician/demonic guy). So I politely ask him to help me with the big one while I get the rest and he has the NERVE to come up the stairs huffing and puffing like he has an attitude. EXCUSE ME?!?!?! Screw that and screw HIM! I get it. Do anything and everything for Princess Tamara. She’s an amazing chick and all, but sorry buddy she wants NOTHING to do with you. In fact, she doesn’t even want to work for your selfcentered and narcissistic behind!!!

So we’re on the train and he keeps telling me that he needs me to make a list of all the things I do for him to give to Tamara. I say OK and move on. I don’t think that there’s any more that I need to say. So he tells me again today for the 3rd time at least, and I say, “Ok, but what exactly do you want me to put because I kinda just do whatever you ask me to and it’s usually all pretty random.” Apparently he didn’t like that (too bad, the truth hurts) and he got all pissed and this is how the conversation went:

Johnny: Forget it, boss. I’ll just do it myself.
Ashley: Calm down. I’m asking you a serious question. Like, what are you expecting me to write because I told
her everything already and there’s not much more that she needs to know.
Johnny: No just forget it. Enjoy France, kick back, do nothing, and I’ll get it done.
Ashley: Seriously Johnny? You need to chill out because I’m asking you an honest question. Is there something
that I’m missing? Is there something special, any special instructions? That’s all I’m asking. Don’t get
mad. I’m not trying to argue with you.
Johnny: (puts on headphones and sits back, closing his eyes)

… Ok, let me make a list for you guys of ALLLLLL of the many duties that I do for Johnny that is so worthy of me writing down so that Tamara can refer back to it in case she forgets.

1. File paid bills and bank statements in clearly marked folders
2. Drop stuff off at FedEx when he asks
3. Return e-mails in your inbox
4. Pick up checks when he asks.
5. Clean his house and his desk not because he asks, but because YOU might be grossed out.
6. Keep all receipts and file them in appropriate folders.
7. Most importantly, carry an extra dose of common sense because most of the time, he wont have any!!!

There’s the list guys! The INFAMOUS list that is SOOOO freaking important for me to make. The list that I’ve already gone over with her at the house/office. The list that doesn’t require a freaking list to be made to know what to do!!!

So it gets worse, well, I guess it just builds on each other till I can’t take it anymore. I try, but he doesn’t get over things. So we get off the train and again, he has ALL of her stuff and we’re walking down busy streets and he’s stumbling and looking like an idiot and Tamara is trying to help and he wont let her. And there’s me, minding my own freaking business by now because I’m not even going to worry about him and his selfishness anymore. I wear big girl panties now, I’m not going to let him ruin my time. Screw that. I need a work out anyway. Haha. The deal is that we rented an apartment through a company who finds people who have vacation homes in Cannes. When they’re not here, they rent out their apartment. So there are apartments all over the city and their office is somewhere else across town. The apartment is REALLY close to the train station, so we walked down the street and I was under the impression that Tamara and I were going to wait while he went to get the keys. No biggie. We obviously can’t go into the apartments building without the key, so he thought it would be ok for us to wait on the street corner next to a fountain with 6 bags of luggage while he went to go get the keys. NO! It’s dark out here, it’s a foreign country, we’re women and although there’s plenty of people out and it’s well lit because we ARE on the shopping strip, if something happened, we’d be out of luck because we have no phones that work and I might be able to kick some dudes butt, but Tamara is tiny! So I objected and said, "You really expect us two girls to stay here alone?" And then Tamara says, "Well actually he wanted me to go with him so I know where this place it next time we come."

GAAAASSSSSPPPP!!!!!

So what you’re saying Johnny is that you want ME to sit on the street corner ALONE in the DARK with all this luggage for an hour while you go grab keys?!?!?! @#$%^&*&^%$# You are really going to leave me ALONE out here? WHERE IS THE COMMON SENSE!!!! YOU DON’T DO THAT!!! That just showed me that he does NOT care. He is NOT a friend, a gentlemen, OR an MAN!! You DO NOT leave a young woman out here alone!! You know, I’m so pissed right now and I have so much adrenaline running through my veins that if someone came and bothered me, I’d pop them right in the face and knock them out cold!

What REALLY gets me is that we are RIGHT across the street from a huge nice hotel and after the steam stopped coming out of my ears, I suggested I wait in the lobby. More comfortable, inside, no one will bother me, I wont look crazy sitting there alone with a ton of luggage. Oh no, that was WAY too much to ask because he flipped his lid and said, “Fine Miss Ashley, the queen. We’ll find you a coffee shop to sit at where there’s people. I REALLY hope you’re enjoying France!!!” I tried again to suggest the hotel, but he had already crossed the street. We walk three blocks to find a coffee shop while he’s getting more and more pissed with the luggage and I wanted SOOOOOO bad to say, you know the hotel would have been closer.” Instead I bite my tongue, so hardin fact it hurt. We passed our apartment and finally found a café where he drops off all of the luggage and bounces. What tipped me off was that Tamara, bless her sweet little heart, went along with it!!!! I would never ever ever ever go for that! If Johnny wanted to leave some girl out in the cold like that I for sure wouldn’t leave her alone!! There is no way that I’d let him get away with that. Now... I understand that I’m leaving on Thursday and she has to stay three more days with him so she doesn’t want to be on his bad side, but um, let me think, be on his bad side and make sure I’m safe or be on his good side and risk something happening to me! But no, Johnny swears it’s safe so they bounce.

…………..

I sit there for a minute… and possibly I’m making a bigger deal than it really is, but my blood was boiling. I was so angry I just started to cry! Most of you that know me know that I don’t really get ANGRY angry and if I do, I don’t YELL (often) and go wild (especially not in the streets of France). I was so mad all I could do was cry! I couldn’t believe he just threw me under the bus like that!! So I ordered a coffee and chilled out for a second, started to write.

Then I had to pee, like, PEE pee. So bad that my stomach was hurting really bad and I couldn’t just ask the Frenchmen next to me if they could watch my 32 bags! So I waited and waited. When they finally came back, the office guy took us to the apartment and made sure everything was ok… no internet!!! But here’s the deal; the tickets for MipCom are somewhere around $1,300. Why on Earth would he buy three of them when we’re only going to be here three days? I agreed. So we made a deal; he would buy two for them and I’d stay back during the day and get “work” done. I honestly don’t know what “work” he means. Maybe I’m supposed to be composing that list? O wait, I already did it in this post. I’ll just have to copy and paste it. Wow, what else shall I do?!?! Homework I guess. Common sense, Johnny. Anyway, he wants me to meet them for lunch and dinner though for our meetings. That’s fine, but I don’t know how he expects to get a hold of me when they’ll be at the convention and I’ll be either in the room or in the internet café! Fine with me though. I honestly can’t stand to look at him right now.

After they got ready to go meet with Etchie, a film licenser, we all walked downstairs together. I thought the point was for him to show me where the internet café was, but he walked out and said he’d see me later! Seriously Johnny? Are you REALLY that much of an #$^^%#$ ?? Good old Tamara tried to tell me she saw a café but it’s late and they’re all closed! So he left me to wander Cannes ALONE trying to find a café. Great.

So I’m walking and walking and walking and finally find a café open, but no internet. Of course, I just freaking ask the guy for directions like a woman does. He tried to give me directions and God Bless him because he tried hard. I kindly thanked him and headed in the general direction. On the way, on a slightly darker and less populated street, two young guys drove by on a scooter (which EVERYONE drives). They whistled and made some foreign pick-up phrase I assume. I ignored them and pressed on. I heard the scooter circle and then come up on the sidewalk right next to me. O I was ready to kick some French bread a** if they tried anything frisky!!! They asked me where I was from and I politely told them California because I didn’t want to be RUDE and have them get crazy. They asked me where I was going and I told them I was looking for the internet café. The guy on the back got off and started walking with me asking me if I smoke Hashish!!!!! What the heck!!!!?????!!!!! I could not believe this was happening to me. I declined the offer with a smile and asked him where HE was going. He kept pointing for me to turn here, turn there and then it became apparent he was just trying to take me to the café. WWFFeeww! Man I was ready to knee him in the you know where because he had a helmet on and I figured that if I hit him in the face and missed, I might break my hand on his helmet!

So…. That was my Sunday. Now here I am in a smoke-filled internet café alone, hungry, pissed, and annoyed at the Jamaican lady who is getting ghetto in the phone booth across the room. Dang she’s loud!

I know I missed a few days…. But they’re coming. I had to post this one because it’s fresh and I really just needed to vent. Now it’s out and I’m not so angry. I’ll go back in a bit, find some food (I hope), wash some clothes, take a warm shower, PRAY, and hit the sack.

Thank you so much to all of the people who care enough to read this =) It’s really such a waste of time on your part unless you really are super entertained. In that case, thanks!! I love you guys and I miss Cali. I’d be OK if I never came back here. To all of the people who have commented on my blog so far, thanks! I haven’t found a way to respond yet so don’t hate me. I’m a newbie to blogger.