Mademoiselle Globetrotter

Last Minute Updates

2008-10-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

OK, OK. So I lied, this is my last post. I just had a few more random events to share.

- It is official, EVERYONE in Europe wears "granny panties."

- I just discovered that our apartment had an intercom with a monitor. I was extremely bored so I decided to have some fun with the people on the street by picking up the phone, turning on the camera, and trying to shout things to passers by... haha... It didn't work. I don't think they heard me. Oh well, would have been good fun!

- Johnny asked me to take two of his jackets back to Cali to donate them. Instead, I donated them to housekeeping. He must be crazy to think I'm going to do him a favor.

- I totally couldn't sleep last night I was so freaking excited to come home! I think I got maybe 3 hours... I'll catch up on my 10 hour flight. Bleh!

- So this HUGE bug bite on my arm... yeah I forgot I had Claratin. That's for allergies right? Contains anti-histamines? Anyway I finally took one and it's getting better =)

- I noticed that there are ZERO American cars out here. A million smart cars and the rest are nasty hatchbacks. Nothing exciting. One Bentley though!!

- I think their form of fast food and hamburgers is PLAIN sandwiches. There's sandwiches EVERYWHERE. I'm thinking Taco Bell for the next few weeks to even it all out.

And then here's the kicker... ready?
So Johnny gave me $1,400 when we got out here as payment for Toronto and this trip. I exchanged $200 and bought a bunch of stuff. Then he gave me that extra money when he left and I used it wisely and when I got to the airport, I got $150 back! Minus the gift I bought for a friend of my dad's that she's paying me for which was $25. Soooooo, in all I only spent $25!!! hahaha Soooo, all of your souveneirs, say thanks to Johnny! haha =)

Love you all. See you soon!!!

Day 10

2008-10-15T10:13:00.001-07:00

Well guys, this is it. I leave tomorrow morning so I'm going back to the apartment to pack. My last day was peaceful. I woke up at a decent time, had some cereal, found the blanket I thought the maids took hidden in the closet, and got ready to spend another day at the internet cafe's. LoL. I found a Subway!! I wish I would have found it earlier but Micky D's was good too. I ordered a sandwich and chips and took it down to the beach where I sat in the sun, listened to some music, and watched the boats said by (alond with a huge cruise ship... cool... and men in speedos... not cool...). On my walk back to the apartment I got a milkshake and headed back to the cafe to finish some school work.

The older gentleman at the cafe I'm at now as I mentioned before is really really nice. He reminds me of Clint Eastwood in appearance. When he was hooking up my computer to the internet, I asked him what kind of crazy bugs they have out here. (Did I mention I have this monstrous bug bite on my fore arm? Very red, swollen, and itchy!!!) Anyway, he comes over right now with a lemon and asks if it's itchy and I said yes, but mostly it burns a little because it's so hot... like my skin is literally hot! So he said that putting lemon on it might help.... I've never heard that but sure, let's gove it a try. So he cut the lemon in half and rubbed it on my arm and it felt good mostly because it was cold, but I don't know how much it helps. It smells good =) He's so nice!! I come here everyday, sometimes twice a day so he jokes with me a lot. He's my friend, but I'm not sure of his name.

Please pray that everything goes as planned tomorrow. I'm sure it'll all be fine, but I just don't want to miss a train or something or not have enough time. My train leaves here at 7am and I get into Paris at 12:15, but then I have to take the Metro about an hour to the airport. I have to be checked in my 2:55 so I really shouldn't be stressing. Just that one day freaked me out that's all. As long as I make THIS train leaving Cannes, then I'll be ok. I'm planning to be there at 6am because the train will most likely be there early for boarding. I'd rather be early and have to wait, yunno. I love you all and I can't wait to get home to you!!!

Thank you for showing your love and support....

Ashley

Day Five

2008-10-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

We didn’t get up and out until almost noon. We figured we’d eat before we got to the Louvre so we found a nice restaurant for brunch. Apparently they don’t have much of a breakfast type meal or lunch at this restaurant, so we had full on dinners. I had salmon and mashed potatoes and Tamara had come scallop meal while Johnny had oysters (again) and sole (for the fifth time, really). We started bickering once again (I know, it’s bad) because he made some comment about retaining water and Tamara asked a question that I answered, but Johnny apparently didn’t agree with my answer. Of course! You would think he purposely disagrees. I forget what he was even saying mostly because it was wrong. Now I’m not saying that I’m always right because often, I’m not! But he thinks that just because he used to work out with a “professional body builder” four years ago, he knows all there is to know about how the body functions. Hello! I’m a geek! Physiology, my favorite class ever! Sigh. Whatever Johnny. You are soooo smart!

Anyway, sorry. Where was I. Oh, the Louvre. Um, boring. I mean, there’s HUGE paintings that are like 20x30 feet and that’s awesome! And the statues are pretty, but when you’ve been walking through the place for four hours, everything starts to look the same! Johnny rented a “tour guide,” which was a handheld PDA type thing that explained selected art pieces. So the only part I really did enjoy was actually sitting there and hearing about a few different paintings. Um, the Mona Lisa? A MILLION people crowded around this itty bitty painting and I’m sure NO ONE knows WHY it’s so unique. I came to realize that places like the Louvre and balloon rides… I’ve always wanted to go because, well, who doesn’t? It’s famous and romantic and blah blah blah but honestly, I’m done going places and seeing things and doing things just because the whole world has hyped it up to be so amazing. It’s not that I don’t appreciate these things, but I really wasn’t interested =/ I hope that doesn’t sound bad. Maybe I just realized (again) that I’m really OK with enjoying the simple things in life.

We walked back to the hotel, stopping to shop along the way, had our last dinner together in Paris, and headed back to the room. We stopped to get one last crepe, which gave all of us stomach aches. Johnny and Tamara got ready to go to Moulin Rouge and I got ready to do homework. =/ It was a long night, but I would have rather been doing homework than at another Burlesque show, that’s for sure!!

Day Four

2008-10-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

I know I know. It’s Day 9 and I’m posting Day 4. Sorry I'm late.

Friday was the “big day” according to Johnny. It was his last chance to get Tamara to fall for him by surprising her with out Hot Air Balloon ride. I woke up early in the morning and had to make arrangements to get to the train station and then our ride from the station to the balloon site. It was a very hectic morning. The gentleman as the front desk helped me map it out and told us where to go and when to leave and everything. I finally got the kids ready and we left to grab some sandwiches to eat on our 3 hour train ride. We got to the metro, which is really close to us, and I realized I forgot the tickets in the room (which they NEVER asked for!!!!) So I ran back to the room, dodging people, small children, and animals. I swear I felt like a football player and probably looked like one too! I get back, we jet to the metro, and head for the train station.

We get there and have no idea where to go. The train was leaving in ten minutes and we didn’t have our tickets yet. We stood in one line, she said to go upstairs. So we did and stood in another line. She said to go upstairs… which “upstairs” woman?!?! By the time we got to the right ticket booth, the train had left already. The Loire valley is really far and we wouldn’t have made it by any other train, bus, metro, or taxi on time (4pm) for the balloon company to pick us up. I had to act fast. I felt like it was my fault for forgetting the tickets and making us late, but that only took maybe five minutes. We still would have had to wait in lines and stuff. Even then, we should have left earlier, which is kinda my fault, but the guy said 11:30!! I trusted him =/ Jerk.

Anyway, so I called the balloon company and told them that there was one last train but it didn’t get there until 5:06, an hour late, but could they still wait for us? Surprisingly enough she said yes! Yipee! I really didn’t care at that point about the balloon ride, I just didn’t want Johnny to kill me for making him lose out on over $1,200!! I made it through that flaming loop, but the next one would be even higher (I’m totally picturing I Love Lucy when she was dressed like a horse or something and she couldn’t jump through because of her calves or hamstrings or something. Lol.)

Anyway, we get on our train and we have assigned seats clearly printed on our tickets. Instead, Johnny and Tamara want to sit in these other seats and I’m trying to tell them these are not our seats but they both just turn around and sit down. Whatever! Why not just freaking sit in the right seats? I don’t get it. As soon as I sit down, seriously, seconds later, a couple walks up and says that those were their seats. Of course they are! They’re definitely not ours, sir. Oh how I wanted to just grab one tiny smart remark from the millions that floated through my head… but I didn’t. I bit my tongue yet again.

I fell asleep until we got to our connecting station. I asked the lady if this was the right station, and she looked confused, but motioned with her hands to stay here on this train, or at least that was what it looked like. So we sat down again for a few minutes but we all kinda felt that we should be getting off so I went to ask her again and her eyes got really wide and she motioned to follow her. She ran off and I was trying to keep up with her, carrying my Mary Poppins bag. At some point I thought maybe I’ll just wait for her, but she kept turning around to make sure I was there. We seriously ran through probably six cars. By the time we got to the front, the conductor lady on the outside spoke English and said we needed to switch trains but HURRY because this front door was the only door open (why?!?!)! So here I go, booking it to the back of the train to get Johnny and Tamara. People were looking at us like we were freaking insane… which I guess we are. Crazy Americans. We jump off the train and I wish I could tell you some amazing story like the door was closing and the train was already moving and it caught my jacket so I did a sweet spin move and the train took off with my jacket!!!..... Alas, I cannot. We made it actually. She ran us down the stairs to our next train and we jumped in just in time.

Whfew!!! What a freaking rush that morning was!!!! Once we got to the right station, the lady was really nice and wasn’t upset at all. We got to the site and they were still blowing up the balloon. We all jumped in and well, it was… pretty? He dipped the balloon down a few times so low I thought maybe we were landing. I mean, less than two feet off of the ground! And once I swear we were going to land in water. And then Tamara, "Do you think this thing floats?".... (cricket, cricket) It’s a basket Tamara. I don’t think so ………

Unfortunately, I can’t say many amazing things about the balloon ride. Really wasn’t that big of a deal and all of the madness from the morning was definitely not worth it. We only saw one castle and there were bugs crawling all over the place. It got a little crazy when we landed because you have to squat down low and the basket usually tips over and you crawl out. Ours didn't and I was a little disappointed. It would have brought some sort of thrill. Afterwards we had to help them deflate the balloon and pack it up. It’s harder than it looks really. This old man was video taping the whole time and even had the camera in one hand and using the other to help with the balloon. He ended up falling and rolling over and I couldn’t help but laugh so hard I had to turn around. I know it’s sad but I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at how funny it would be to be sitting there watching the movie and then all of the sudden you see sky, and then ground, oh wait, that’s just grandpa rolling on the ground.

And theeeeeen they broke out the champagne and orange juice. Geez these people don’t quit with the drinking!! So we all had a toast and since it had been hours since I ate last and I had two small glasses (because the guy wouldn’t stop filling it up!!!!!), I um… well, I was having a good time. lol.

Out train didn’t leave for another two hours and out of a different train station. The lady, named Lidy actually, said she would show us the station and then take us back to the town so we could eat and then we’d walk back to the station afterwards. Sounded like a good plan.

They crammed us in the back of this van to take us all back to the meeting place. It was Johnny and I and these two young guys (the sons of one of the ladies that worked there) in the back of a van/bus thing. We’re all cracking up and Johnny is asking them how to say inappropriate things in French (does this surprise anyone?) There’s an older couple in front acting like they don’t hear us but they’re cracking up as well. I’ll admit, we were ALL a little tipsy. So I, really just trying to cover our butts, ask the guys if they want to come to dinner with us (and then take us to the station so we wouldn’t have to walk lol). I’m smart like that right? Johnny, the weirdo that he is, of course assumes I’m flirting, which, ok I guess that’s valid, although I totally wasn’t. They agree to show us a good restaurant and take us, no problem!! Yipee!! So we go eat and Johnny again is saying things he shouldn’t and I feel bad for the guys because Johnny is loud and saying things that are offensive to French people. I wanted to shove a dinner roll in his mouth so bad and just tell him to shut up!! Then he tells me and the guy to take a picture together and have him kiss my cheek and then he’s trying to make the guy feed me! WHAT THE HECK!!!! Seriously, he’s weird, like… something in his brain is just off! I'm so over our "friendship."

After dinner they drive us to the train station which was SO far! Even though Johnny was acting weird and trying to get me to kiss this guy, I’m still glad I spoke up because it was almost 9:30 and dark and cloudy and this was the last train and we totally would not have made it if we had walked there! It was like a maze! They were crazy to think we would have been able to find it alone!!

Anyway, we made it home and knocked out!!! We planned to go to the Louvre the next day but I didn’t plan on waking up until I wanted to! I needed some freaking sleep!!!

Day 8ish Part Two

2008-10-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

Woo Hoo! I get back to the room and there’s towels!! But um… my blanket is gone. Not the comforter that came on the bed, but MY blanket. Ok I don’t want to sound like I’m three, but I have this blanket that I kinda stole from first class Korean Airlines. It’s the perfect size and thickness. I rarely use the blankets on my own bed because this is perfect. I mean, I stole it from someone so I guess I have it coming to me that someone else steals it from me? So I call the office and politely thank them (totally assuming for their sake) for cleaning it for me, but if they can being it back tomorrow, it would be great. She said it was no problem so if I don’t see a purple Korean Airlines blanket on my bed tomorrow, I’m marching my happy butt right on down to the office.

On the upside my laundry was done! But, um… now for the dryer? I started it the first time, now what buttons did I press? Somehow I started the washer all over again and it started to fill with water. Frantically pushing any button that would make it stop, it finally emptied of water, but the thing wouldn’t open! I tried everything at it was locked shut. After fighting with the thing for about ten minutes, I gave up and sat in the dinning room. As soon as I did, out of the corner of my eye, the “lock” button started flashing. I dashed over and pulled open the door. Triumphantly, I rejoiced in overcoming the battle between me and the foreign washing machine! Um, but they’re still sopping wet. I proceeded to ring out all of my clothes and hang them on the towel rack in the bathroom. Hopefully the maid doesn’t steal them!!

I laid down to watch TV and of course, nothing in English. I did notice that I had a bug bit on my arm this morning and it’s progressively getting larger and larger. Hopefully my arm doesn’t fall off or a spider didn’t lay eggs in my arm because I have a flight to catch and I don’t have time to go to the hospital in France!!

To avoid being a loser, I walked over to the other internet café. I spend almost all day there between posts, emails, and homework. The older gentleman that runs it speaks very good English and he’s so polite. For some reason the wi-fi wasn’t working and I really didn’t want to use their PCs because their keyboard isn’t the same. He tried for almost 20 minutes and felt bad so he gave me a free coffee. Ugh, I’m wired now!! I asked for some gum because the stuff was strong! They call it Hollywood Chewing Gum out here. I laughed and asked him why that was and he replied, “Because that’s what they do in Hollywood.” (chomp chomp) Um, OK. So they don’t chew gum in France? LoL. That’s a pretty weird stereotype! Since Johnny left I didn’t have an adapter for my laptop plug. I was looking for one all day and didn’t find one so I asked him if he knew where I could get one. And then like magic, he bent down and one just appeared! LoL. Why didn’t I ask him before?!? Oh, a side note… all of their computers have little cameras on top and this guy was using it to sign to someone! It was so cool!!! I love sign language.

I finished up some work and headed back to my room. I was hungry so I decided to have dinner at good old Micky Dees. I put on my new boots, my new jewelry, and even put on some make-up. =) What? I needed to feel pretty! I know, all to go to McDonald’s. But this is dinner. You’re supposed to get dressed for dinner… no matter where it is right? Haha. Ok fine. No.

Apparently the French think I’m Caribbean and won’t leave me alone, at least that is what I was told. Whatever. I’m not trying to pat my self on the back or say that I’m worthy of all these guys hitting on me because really, Tamara is way prettier than I am but they look at me?!? What the heck. The point is that guys will try to talk to me and I guess the dear-in-headlights look gives me away. They politely step down. But not the guys tonight at McDonald’s. I honestly couldn’t stop laughing. So I’m sitting there trying to eat and there’s a group of guys nest to me that are trying to talk to me but I obviously don’t understand. Instead of giving up they just keep on talking to me. They are going on and on and on and I’m just sitting there like, hello, I don’t understand you!!! One of them asks me my name and repeats it, like he’s processing it. I go back to working and a couple minutes later I hear, “Ashley, ASHLEY, ashley?, aaaashley,” as if he’s practicing saying my name? I jut look at them and start busting up and then we’re all rolling and I have NO IDEA still what they’re saying. So I go back to working and again, a few minutes later, “Ashley?” I look up and they start talking to me again. Dude!!! What don’t YOU understand about me NOT understanding YOU? As if maybe if he gave it a minute, I’d magically be able to understand French. This amusement went on for about fifteen minutes until one guy turned to me and said, “Ashley, suck my…” Yes. He said it. My smile faded really quick and judging from the looks on their faces they knew that maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say. They tried calling me a few more times and I ignored them. Out of the corner of my eye I could tell that they felt bad. When they left, they tried to say sorry but my glare stopped him mid sentence. You know, the glare you give a child when they’ve gone too far and you’re about to hand it to them? I cut him off and said to him without being loud and ghetto but instead with that calm yet stern voice that means business, “Don’t you ever say that again! If you’re trying to pick up on women, that is NOT what you want to say. Possibly it would be best for you to learn a new phrase. Thanks for the offer but NO!” He walked away quietly with his head low and tail between his legs. Pervert!

Day 7 and 8

2008-10-14T03:28:00.000-07:00

So today is Tuesday, that would be day 8 right? Anyway, things are getting much better. I guess this blog will just combine the last few days. So Johnny is pretty much upset with me and thinks that the whole reason Tamara is not interested in him is because I made him look bad and blah blah blah. She wants to marry this guy she's dating! This all has nothing to do with me. So he keeps taking her intot he room and closing the door and whispering, but he's not so good at that and he's just talking about meetings and nonsense really. It made me laugh because I know that he's just trying to make me mad. So I called him out on it. I asked him to come into my room and sit down because now I needed to talk to him. I asked him why he keeps taking us intot he room alone and whispering when he has NOTHING important to say. He's totally trying to play games and I see right through it. Anyway, he started yelling at me and saying all these random things and blaming everything on me and telling me that I don't do anything for him. HaHa. Right. I totally do EVERYTHING for him! Whatever, I just smiled at him as he threw a hissy fit telling me that I ruined his chances with someone he truly cares about. I honestly had to hold back the laughter.

Then he's trying to convince me to have lunch with Bernardo while I'm here (for those of you who don't knowm he's just another hollywood business guy that looks like a cross between Jude Law and Matthew McConaughey. Had a meeting with him once and he wont stop asking about me.) Tamara jumps in and sais that he was ALL about me but it was obvious what he really wanted. Oh my goodness!!! My answer was no before but now it's a definite NEVER thank you very much!! And here's Johnny trying to convince me to go out with him. This just shows how ignorant Johnny really is to not just women, but to who I really am. We've been friends for a while, although never close, but he should know me well enough to understand that I would never go out with Bernardo, especially when he knows what Bernardo is all about and he knows I'm very interested in someone else. He even went as far to say that if I can't find a place to stay Wednesday night that I should call Bernardo. He's sitting there laughing and I'm just staring at him wondering if any woman could ever love a man like him. I bet he'll be single forever. It's pretty sad.

When they got back late last night he came into my room and siad that they were leaving to go to Venice early the next morning. He gave me 200€, which was supposed to be for food. He said that I could use the money he gave me for actually doing work for him to buy a hotel if I needed to.

The next morning I was surprised to hear good old Tamara knocking at my door to say good bye and she actually said she feels bad for leaving me. So DOES have a heart!!!! Good for her! After they left I got up and took a shower, drying myself off with some random sheets because the maid took the towels!!! Why on Earth would you take all of the towels?? All I could do was laugh it off. This trip just gets weirder and weirder.

I walked to the train station to make sure everything was set for Thursday, checked my email, and went to the supermarket to buy some food so I could conserve the money Johnny gave me. Lunch and dinner are usually around 40€ a day... so i bought some milk, cereal, and some laundry detergent because I really needed to wash some clothes. After the I paid the lady, she set everything on the other side of the register (where that bag lady usually stands) and turned around to help the guy behind me. Umm, apparently you are supposed to bring your own bags. Good to know. I stood there for a second slightly comfused, then figured what the heck, I'm not that far, and just walked home carrying my goods.

So then it gets interesting. How do I use this washin machine? I threw the clothes in, did a little "eeny meeny miny mo" and squirted the detergent into one of the three anonymous compartments and shut the door. There were three dials, a million buttons, and not enough pictures so I started pressing anything that would make it go. It started moving so I poured myself some cereal and watched. Hm, dryer. Dangit! Start over.... I picked up my bowl to watch the show once again. It started making some noise, but I didn't see any water or soap or movement. I know I must have looked really silly because there I was, cereal in had, no shirt because I got hot and was in the middle of changing when I decided to start the laundry... and I'm just standing there... watching intently. PRESTO WAMMO! Got it! Suds and everything swirling like little synchronized swimmers.

After finishing my cereal and throwing on a shirt of course I thought I'd walk down to the office for the company who rented out to us and beg them to let me stay one more night. Couldn't hurt right? After kinda getting lost, I fonally found in about a mile and a half away from the apartment. Even if I did stay one more night, what a pain it would be to lug all of my bags over there at 6am and then walk all the way back to the train station. Surprisingly enough, she said it was no problem at all for me to stay one more night and that I can just leave the keys in the room after I leave. Wonderful!

On my walk back, I stopped in Claire's of all places!!! I'm on the French Riviera and I'm shoppin at Claire's, a place I don't even go to when I'm in California! Shopping always makes me feel better, but spending money doesn't and everything out here is very expensive. So I figured I could use some jewelry to spice up my life =) I ended up buying two pairs of earings, two bracelettes, and a pair of boots. HAHA. K wait... now I know you're thinking "boots? Claire's?" I know I know. They're really cute coyboy boots that I can wear for dancing or with jeans! And they were cheap!! I they were 25€ compared to the 255€ boots I found at another store and no one (besides you and everyone else reading this) will never know =) And if they did, who cares!!! They look good and that's aaaaaalll that matters.

So now I'm here at the cafe starving. I think yogurt sounds good for now and McDonald's for dinner. What? It's much cheaper than the other random food they have here! And a quarter of the price. I'm thinking after my nap I am going to put on my iPod and do some pleiometrics in the living room along with some push ups, sit ups, squats, and anything else I can think of. I have been wanting some new running shoes. Maybe later I'll go down to footlocker and see if they have anything worth spending too much money on just so I can go running for two days. I'll let you know how it goes ;-)

Au revoir for now....

Tidbits

2008-10-12T13:41:00.000-07:00

Mommy:

I freaking feel like I’m the mommy out here! I plan activities, eating and traveling arrangements, and handle all of the business stuff. I wake people up every morning and make sure they’re getting ready on time. I have my bag of tricks which typically contains waters and extra money for everyone, hand wipes, gum, shout wipes, tissues, extra headphones, chap stick, travel documents, lotion, and snacks. My goodness! You would swear like I’m traveling with my two year olds! Nope, my children are 24 and 31. And Johnny acts like he’s three sometimes. He likes to get excited about his stories, which is great, but he also tells the same stories OVER and OVER! He’s kinda loud and obnoxious at times. He’ll wake up and blast his rap music from 5 years ago SO loud while we’re still trying to sleep. He has no concept of an inside voice.

Massages:

Before we left I was convincing Johnny to buy us all massages once we got out to Paris. Now I’m REALLY needing one because I have to carry around my Mary Poppins bag everywhere. I’m disappointed though because our hotel has apartments only, which just means big rooms! Our apartment had a kitchen and living room (Johnny’s room) downstairs and then two rooms and the bathroom upstairs. We had maid service everyday, but no room service, no spa. No spa?!?! I know. No spa =/ Which meant no massages. On the bright side, Tamara and I have become pretty close so I’m thinking of hitting her up to work out the kinks in my back. LoL. I’ll return the favor though. She’s been complaining about her shoulders. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours right? Haha It’ll give us more time for girl talk ;-)

Belt:

So like most guys, Johnny bought a pair of pants without ever tryin them on. He gets out here and they are way too big. He's walking around grabbing is crotch area to hold up his pants. So I insisted we find him a belt before dinner. Of course, he finds a Dolce&Gabana belt that’s about 200 Euros… which is close to $400 I believe. Two days later, he finds a belt he likes better…. And spends another $300!!! ON A BELT!!!!! Absurd!

Rip:

I ripped my jeans =/ my FAVORITE pair too! They’re still wearable, but they look kinda tacky now. They were made to look a little torn, so there was a small hole in the knee. Well I was in a hurry to get ready the second day and I shoved my foot right through the hole and made it MUCH larger. I’m so sad because they were REALLY expensive! Good thing about Buckle and Nordstrom is that I can take them back and they’ll probably exchange them, no question asked, even though I’ve had them for about six months now =)

Hair:

I’M DYING!! I really need to straighten my hair, but I can’t! I brought all of my tools, but we only have two converters, which could work, but there’s only one plug in the bathroom. I’m going insane. Dirty hair is disgusting and I feel like a dirty animal!!! Haha

Clothes:

I thought I packed too much, now I’m realizing that I totally didn’t pack enough!! I’m freaking running out of underwear!!! I think I’m going to have to wash some clothes in the sink and hang them up to dry haha I thought about going shopping they do have an H&M here, but things are ENTIRELY too expensive out here! Every meal is almost $150, well, lunch and breakfast at least. Dinner is around 300 Euros, which is around $500!!! I can’t believe that Johnny is spending this much money without stressing!

UPDATE: The apartment in Cannes has a washer and dryer. Yay!!!

Showers:

Showers are now my favorite thing to do. I usually take pretty quick showers in the morning just because I wake up at the last moment possible and I don’t have time to take a long shower… and I’m not down for wasting so much water. But here… we’re out all day long walking around and that’s my only time to be alone without Johnny asking me a million questions and reminding me of things he’s already asked me to do. The only time I get for complete SILENCE! The shower is really weird because it’s a normal shower/tub, but instead of there being curtains or a door, there’s only a tall strip of glass shielding the front half of the shower. Therefore, the back half is completely open!! I haven’t figured out how NOT to turn the bathroom floor into a swampy mess. Anyway, back to my showers. The water pressure is really hard and there’s a HUGE shower head that reminds me of a vichy massage and the spa. I end up taking 30 minute showers and just standing there… eyes closed, ready to fall asleep standing up. Then, afterwards, I go right back into the battle field. How quickly the peacefulness is covered up with annoyance!

French People:

Everyone warned me that the French are rude and smelly. So far, I have not ran across any that fit that description. Granted, we have been at restaurants and such, so of course they’re going to be very nice, but either way, walking along the streets, people in the cafes and stores… no one is rude. No one smells. In fact, they ALL dress very nice and rather spiffy! I’m totally dressing like a Paresian this winter with my peacoats, scarfs, and boots!!

Bathroom Trauma:

So I got locked int he bathroom! Johnny apparently broke the INSIDE knob to the door and I didn't know. So I closed it and locked it and when I realized I forgot something, I tried to get out but couldn't find the handle!! I was freakign out and started pounding on the door. I guess instead of fixing it or letting somone know he broke it, he left the handle laying in the corner on the floor. Hm, not exactly the smartest thing. But then again, who said Johnny is smart in those areas? Not I.

Toilet Paper:

IT'S PINK! How cool is that?!?! OK not everywhere, but a lot of places. Fancy!

Day Six...

2008-10-12T12:38:00.001-07:00

... of the INSANITY!!

I’m done! If I could jump on a plane and come home NOW I would. I can’t take anymore of Johnny. For a rich guy, Johnny is pretty down to Earth. But as a whole, he’s a pretty egotistical ^*&^$%#@@!$%#^*&^%$#$%^&*&(*^%$#. Everything he does is in HIS best interest. He DID take us to France and wine us and dine us and stuff, which is VERY generous, but still his motives are slightly skewed. It started as soon as we got to the airport in L.A. Each of us has a large suitcase and a carry on bag…. I have two of course. He’s lugging around ALL of Tamara's stuff and here I am, struggling with my stuff. But you know what, I’m a big freaking girl that has beat guys in arm wrestling so screw that. I don’t need his help. Everything is about Tamara and oh wait, oh yea there’s Ashley trying to keep up while he holds doors for her and forgets about me. It eased up over the last few days when he found out she has a boyfriend and he took EVERYTHING the wrong way, again, taking her charming, delicate, and sweet personality as flirting with him. Anyway, we’ve been bickering lately. He disagrees with everything I say. I give up and give in every time. I don’t want to argue. There’s no use when I KNOW I’m right and I KNOW he’s not going to give up. So I just say “OK Johnny, you’re right. Let’s move on.” I don’t think he likes that but what else do I do to get him to shut up?!?!

We have to take the subway to get to our train station. There’s a million flights of stairs and I have my two rolling bags and my laptop bag on my shoulder and Johnny is wheeling her bag and his along with both of their carry ons… Tamara has only her purse. Ok whatever, he can’t take ALL of our stuff but while Johnny is OBVIOUSLY struggling with all of the bags and Tamara is telling him that she’s fine to take her own, he’s maybe feeling like he has something to prove and he wont let her. She doesn’t want him so he needs to give that up… but whatever. Like I said, he can’t carry everything, even if he could, I doubt he’d help me out, but ok. At least offer once! So we’re trying to go up and down these stairs and our bags are all heavy. He lugs down all of their bags and stands there and waits for me to all of the sudden acquire super human strength and juggle my suitcases down the stairs, maybe do a few back flips, balance the bag on my chin while riding a unicycle, and then maybe swallow my purse and pull it out of my belly button like David Blain (the magician/demonic guy). So I politely ask him to help me with the big one while I get the rest and he has the NERVE to come up the stairs huffing and puffing like he has an attitude. EXCUSE ME?!?!?! Screw that and screw HIM! I get it. Do anything and everything for Princess Tamara. She’s an amazing chick and all, but sorry buddy she wants NOTHING to do with you. In fact, she doesn’t even want to work for your selfcentered and narcissistic behind!!!

So we’re on the train and he keeps telling me that he needs me to make a list of all the things I do for him to give to Tamara. I say OK and move on. I don’t think that there’s any more that I need to say. So he tells me again today for the 3rd time at least, and I say, “Ok, but what exactly do you want me to put because I kinda just do whatever you ask me to and it’s usually all pretty random.” Apparently he didn’t like that (too bad, the truth hurts) and he got all pissed and this is how the conversation went:

Johnny: Forget it, boss. I’ll just do it myself.
Ashley: Calm down. I’m asking you a serious question. Like, what are you expecting me to write because I told
her everything already and there’s not much more that she needs to know.
Johnny: No just forget it. Enjoy France, kick back, do nothing, and I’ll get it done.
Ashley: Seriously Johnny? You need to chill out because I’m asking you an honest question. Is there something
that I’m missing? Is there something special, any special instructions? That’s all I’m asking. Don’t get
mad. I’m not trying to argue with you.
Johnny: (puts on headphones and sits back, closing his eyes)

… Ok, let me make a list for you guys of ALLLLLL of the many duties that I do for Johnny that is so worthy of me writing down so that Tamara can refer back to it in case she forgets.

1. File paid bills and bank statements in clearly marked folders
2. Drop stuff off at FedEx when he asks
3. Return e-mails in your inbox
4. Pick up checks when he asks.
5. Clean his house and his desk not because he asks, but because YOU might be grossed out.
6. Keep all receipts and file them in appropriate folders.
7. Most importantly, carry an extra dose of common sense because most of the time, he wont have any!!!

There’s the list guys! The INFAMOUS list that is SOOOO freaking important for me to make. The list that I’ve already gone over with her at the house/office. The list that doesn’t require a freaking list to be made to know what to do!!!

So it gets worse, well, I guess it just builds on each other till I can’t take it anymore. I try, but he doesn’t get over things. So we get off the train and again, he has ALL of her stuff and we’re walking down busy streets and he’s stumbling and looking like an idiot and Tamara is trying to help and he wont let her. And there’s me, minding my own freaking business by now because I’m not even going to worry about him and his selfishness anymore. I wear big girl panties now, I’m not going to let him ruin my time. Screw that. I need a work out anyway. Haha. The deal is that we rented an apartment through a company who finds people who have vacation homes in Cannes. When they’re not here, they rent out their apartment. So there are apartments all over the city and their office is somewhere else across town. The apartment is REALLY close to the train station, so we walked down the street and I was under the impression that Tamara and I were going to wait while he went to get the keys. No biggie. We obviously can’t go into the apartments building without the key, so he thought it would be ok for us to wait on the street corner next to a fountain with 6 bags of luggage while he went to go get the keys. NO! It’s dark out here, it’s a foreign country, we’re women and although there’s plenty of people out and it’s well lit because we ARE on the shopping strip, if something happened, we’d be out of luck because we have no phones that work and I might be able to kick some dudes butt, but Tamara is tiny! So I objected and said, "You really expect us two girls to stay here alone?" And then Tamara says, "Well actually he wanted me to go with him so I know where this place it next time we come."

GAAAASSSSSPPPP!!!!!

So what you’re saying Johnny is that you want ME to sit on the street corner ALONE in the DARK with all this luggage for an hour while you go grab keys?!?!?! @#$%^&*&^%$# You are really going to leave me ALONE out here? WHERE IS THE COMMON SENSE!!!! YOU DON’T DO THAT!!! That just showed me that he does NOT care. He is NOT a friend, a gentlemen, OR an MAN!! You DO NOT leave a young woman out here alone!! You know, I’m so pissed right now and I have so much adrenaline running through my veins that if someone came and bothered me, I’d pop them right in the face and knock them out cold!

What REALLY gets me is that we are RIGHT across the street from a huge nice hotel and after the steam stopped coming out of my ears, I suggested I wait in the lobby. More comfortable, inside, no one will bother me, I wont look crazy sitting there alone with a ton of luggage. Oh no, that was WAY too much to ask because he flipped his lid and said, “Fine Miss Ashley, the queen. We’ll find you a coffee shop to sit at where there’s people. I REALLY hope you’re enjoying France!!!” I tried again to suggest the hotel, but he had already crossed the street. We walk three blocks to find a coffee shop while he’s getting more and more pissed with the luggage and I wanted SOOOOOO bad to say, you know the hotel would have been closer.” Instead I bite my tongue, so hardin fact it hurt. We passed our apartment and finally found a café where he drops off all of the luggage and bounces. What tipped me off was that Tamara, bless her sweet little heart, went along with it!!!! I would never ever ever ever go for that! If Johnny wanted to leave some girl out in the cold like that I for sure wouldn’t leave her alone!! There is no way that I’d let him get away with that. Now... I understand that I’m leaving on Thursday and she has to stay three more days with him so she doesn’t want to be on his bad side, but um, let me think, be on his bad side and make sure I’m safe or be on his good side and risk something happening to me! But no, Johnny swears it’s safe so they bounce.

…………..

I sit there for a minute… and possibly I’m making a bigger deal than it really is, but my blood was boiling. I was so angry I just started to cry! Most of you that know me know that I don’t really get ANGRY angry and if I do, I don’t YELL (often) and go wild (especially not in the streets of France). I was so mad all I could do was cry! I couldn’t believe he just threw me under the bus like that!! So I ordered a coffee and chilled out for a second, started to write.

Then I had to pee, like, PEE pee. So bad that my stomach was hurting really bad and I couldn’t just ask the Frenchmen next to me if they could watch my 32 bags! So I waited and waited. When they finally came back, the office guy took us to the apartment and made sure everything was ok… no internet!!! But here’s the deal; the tickets for MipCom are somewhere around $1,300. Why on Earth would he buy three of them when we’re only going to be here three days? I agreed. So we made a deal; he would buy two for them and I’d stay back during the day and get “work” done. I honestly don’t know what “work” he means. Maybe I’m supposed to be composing that list? O wait, I already did it in this post. I’ll just have to copy and paste it. Wow, what else shall I do?!?! Homework I guess. Common sense, Johnny. Anyway, he wants me to meet them for lunch and dinner though for our meetings. That’s fine, but I don’t know how he expects to get a hold of me when they’ll be at the convention and I’ll be either in the room or in the internet café! Fine with me though. I honestly can’t stand to look at him right now.

After they got ready to go meet with Etchie, a film licenser, we all walked downstairs together. I thought the point was for him to show me where the internet café was, but he walked out and said he’d see me later! Seriously Johnny? Are you REALLY that much of an #$^^%#$ ?? Good old Tamara tried to tell me she saw a café but it’s late and they’re all closed! So he left me to wander Cannes ALONE trying to find a café. Great.

So I’m walking and walking and walking and finally find a café open, but no internet. Of course, I just freaking ask the guy for directions like a woman does. He tried to give me directions and God Bless him because he tried hard. I kindly thanked him and headed in the general direction. On the way, on a slightly darker and less populated street, two young guys drove by on a scooter (which EVERYONE drives). They whistled and made some foreign pick-up phrase I assume. I ignored them and pressed on. I heard the scooter circle and then come up on the sidewalk right next to me. O I was ready to kick some French bread a** if they tried anything frisky!!! They asked me where I was from and I politely told them California because I didn’t want to be RUDE and have them get crazy. They asked me where I was going and I told them I was looking for the internet café. The guy on the back got off and started walking with me asking me if I smoke Hashish!!!!! What the heck!!!!?????!!!!! I could not believe this was happening to me. I declined the offer with a smile and asked him where HE was going. He kept pointing for me to turn here, turn there and then it became apparent he was just trying to take me to the café. WWFFeeww! Man I was ready to knee him in the you know where because he had a helmet on and I figured that if I hit him in the face and missed, I might break my hand on his helmet!

So…. That was my Sunday. Now here I am in a smoke-filled internet café alone, hungry, pissed, and annoyed at the Jamaican lady who is getting ghetto in the phone booth across the room. Dang she’s loud!

I know I missed a few days…. But they’re coming. I had to post this one because it’s fresh and I really just needed to vent. Now it’s out and I’m not so angry. I’ll go back in a bit, find some food (I hope), wash some clothes, take a warm shower, PRAY, and hit the sack.

Thank you so much to all of the people who care enough to read this =) It’s really such a waste of time on your part unless you really are super entertained. In that case, thanks!! I love you guys and I miss Cali. I’d be OK if I never came back here. To all of the people who have commented on my blog so far, thanks! I haven’t found a way to respond yet so don’t hate me. I’m a newbie to blogger.

Day Three

2008-10-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

FYI: This post is LONG!! Sorry.

Ah today is the day. Today, it finally hit me, I’M IN PARIS!! AAAAAHHHH! LoL Why it took so long to really sink in I have no idea, but I think it’s because today, I saw the Paris from TV. I saw Ratatouille’s Paris. I walked the streets seen in romance movies, ate the crepes, giggled as little Frenchmen wanted to kiss Tamara and I, sat on side walk café’s and sipped on Cappuccinos. Oh it was absolutely amazing. Where in the world do I begin…

After a quick breakfast, we got ready and headed for the Metro. As corny as it may sound, as soon as I stepped outside I knew it was going to be a good day. I mean, how bad can it be when you step outside and the wind tickles your face and the first thing you see is the Arc de Triomphe?

We finally found our way to the RIGHT train after walking around forever. Ya know, I try to let Johnny do some things on his own sometimes. Now, I know how bad that sounds, but really. He’s grown, 31 to be exact, but he sure doesn’t act that way most of the time. I let him FEEL like he’s in charge sometimes. I thought I’d be nice and let him lead the way but it was apparent that at some point he’s just going to have to let me do it! He’s leading us in all the wrong directions and I’m pretty sure he’s wrong, but for the simple fact that there is indeed a SLIGHT chance that I COULD be wrong, I let him lead. Turns out he was all wrong. Surprise! He just doesn’t listen!

(ok kinda off topic: this morning, Tamara and I are sitting on her bed having “boy talk” NOT about Johnny LoL and Johnny yells up asking if we’ve seen his wallet. Tamara opens her mouth to answer and I touch her arm and tell her not to say anything. We sit in silence and thirty seconds later, “Never mind, I found it.” Not long after, “Guys have you seen my room key?” Again we wait in silence… o yes, he found it. Why WHY must he ask BEFORE he looks? Note to ALL men… all people… LOOK FIRST PLEASE. But here’s the story of ALL stories LoL. When we got back around 5ish, he couldn’t find his toothbrush. He swore up and down for hours that the maids threw it away! He was SO pissed. So later when we got home around 11 he’s lifting up his toiletry bag looking for something and in the bottom, I see something that resembles a toothbrush. Could it be?!?! Sigh. That’s my Johnny. I carry the brain for us both most of the time.)

So anyway, we headed up to Montmarte, supposedly some artists town on the very top of a hill surrounding Sacred Heart Church. We got off on the wrong stop and had to walk through the town up VERY steep hills and never ending stair cases that were actually VERY pretty. That’s when it hit me. We got to the top and there were artists walking around an open air market asking to draw your picture. The streets were lined with café’s and gift shops. The leaves were changing colors and decorating the streets as people seemed to dance through the rows of art galleries. We ate at a café outside and Johnny ordered Oysters as an appetizer. SO disgusting. Much like mollusks, I know ENTIRELY too much about them to want to swallow the slimy and salty mush! Instead I sipped my cappuccino and munched on of course, French bread, until my meal came. Goose! Breaded goose and spaghetti! Random huh? I actually saw the lady next to me eating it and I just told the man I wanted whatever she had. It was good. It just tasted like bland chicken actually. No big deal.

After lunch, we continued to walk around and made our way to the church. Most of the café’s are of course both inside and outside, so the waiters outside try to get people to come in and eat at THEIR establishment. So this guy called us over to eat there. Tamara politely turned him down for lunch but asked to take a picture with him instead. That’s my girl! So I took a picture of her and then stopped some random lady to take a picture of us kissing his cheeks. Little pervert totally pressed his face against mine and when we laughed and walked away, he grabbed me and tried to lay one on me really quick but I have cat-like reflexes and turned my head quicker than the fool could peck. Whoa buddy, slow your roll! You’re taking it a little too far. Peace out!

We arrived at the church and it was MASSIVE and so white and so pretty! In the front of the church there were huge steps that looked more like stadium seating and then a balcony-ish area and some grass. A guitarist from Mexico, Enrique Peyrot, had a little set-up going on with his guitar and a guy on a box drum. He actually sounded REALLY good. I ended up buying his CD but I’m kinda pissed because it doesn’t even work in my laptop. I’ll see if it works at home and if not, I’m e-mailing him and I’m gonna let him have it!!

After walking through the church, which is unexplainable, we decided we were going to conquer the dome. The dome is 300 steps to the top and is probably the highest point in Paris, especially since it’s on top of a hill. Now, the Arc steps were bad yesterday, very tight and confined. I freaking have shin splints. What the heck?!?! But these steps… these were ridiculous! Even smaller steps, longer, higher, darker, smellier. Oh it was bad. And then we get to one point and Johnny is telling us that the smell is dead pigeons. Ok, so funny story. Tamara is very soft spoken and delicate in EVERYTHING she does. Complete opposite of me, right? We’re walking up the stairs and you hear pigeons in this dungeon-like area of the dome. Conversation goes as follows:

(Birds making noise)

Johnny: (as if responding to the noise) See, there’s tons of dead pigeons!

Tamara: (serious as all heck!) Really? I didn’t know dead pigeons still made noises.

Wow. I didn’t really know what to say. At the moment, I wasn’t sure who was being serious and who was just plain stupid. I was dying laughing inside!!

We FINALLY got to the top and it was truly amazing! I feel like I say that about everything we see. That’s just the way Paris is I guess. Everything is breathtaking and I just honestly can’t describe the beauty. Pictures just show how big, high, how colorful, how lovely and peaceful Paris really is. We kinda just sat there for a bit taking it in. I think we were all having a moment =) By the time we got back down to the bottom, my legs were shaking like crazy!! I was reminded that I REALLY need to get back into working out… but the thought was interrupted by CREPES!! Tamara and I decided to share one because we were both kinda still full. We got one with nutella and bananas and OMG!!!!! I honestly cannot explain the chocolaty goodness that danced around all over my tongue. If anyone is curious, go to Victoria Gardens and find the Crepe place by JC Penny. They’re pretty authentic so I’ve found. Nutella is the magic ingredient.

On our way back to finding the Metro we ran across Moulin Rouge. Johnny got excited and asked us if we wanted to go. Without hesitation “no thanks” just shot right out of my mouth. After last night’s garbage, I’d rather catch up on homework, thanks! They looked at me like I was crazy but I know I’m not. Why on Earth would I want to see boobs and corny dancing again? If that is entertainment to them, their heads would blow if they say So You Think You Can Dance! Ugh! What a shame. So we wandered aimlessly through the streets letting Johnny lead of course. This part I didn’t mind though because although this was quite a ways from the center of Paris, THIS is what you see on TV; the steep streets, blue skies, flowering window boxes adorning the windows. Geez it was so pretty! At this point I wasn’t caring about my shin splints anymore. I would gladly roam these streets again even if I had a peg leg like a pirate!

So we made it back to the hotel and proceeded to get ready for our dinner cruise. We got all dolled up and headed downstairs to catch our ride to the boat. Our driver was named Gustav and he was from Ecuador. He was about 45ish and he came to Paris 30 years ago to pursue his art and ceramics career. Somehow he ended up driving a cab? None the less, he was a good man. I talked to him in Spanish. Screw French and English, it’s all about Espanol! Viva Mexico! (Or Ecuador… whatever) Gustav dropped us off at our boat and promised to be back to pick us up by 11. We hopped out and found our seats on the boat, not knowing that this was going to be one of the most beautiful and (lonely) romantic nights EVER!

The boat was lined with walls of glass, red floors, a pianist and violinist right in the center, red and black linens, crystal glasses, dim lights, and candles everywhere. Tamara and I just looked at each other, knowing we were thinking the exact same thing (which has been happening a lot actually. She’s SUPER girly and dainty and all but she’s a cool chick! We’re totally gonna hang even after Paris!). Ok anyway, we were both thinking how amazing and romantic this is and we’re here with Johnny. Nothing against Johnny, it’s just that you’d probably rather be with someone “special,” you know? She and I decided it was OUR night. We were going to be each others' dates =)

Johnny popped the bottle of Champagne and poured the first round. I know I know… Pariseans drink like crazy and it seems like every meal comes with wine or champagne. Plus Johnny really likes Champagne. I think it’s kinda gross,

but I drink some anyway. Not too much though. I was feeling it after one glass so I was pretty much done. LoL. The food was… interesting. The appetizer was salmon and cream cheese on a pita-ish bread (not too bad actually). For our dinner I ordered filet mignon, which was filet of PORK and was gross. The vegetables were green. That’s all I can say. I had NO idea what they were and why they tasted so funny. Next was the Brie cheese with vinaigrette salad and bread. That was my favorite part =) Cheese and bread? Aw man!! Lastly was dessert, chocolate and raspberry tart. Pretty yummy, but not worth the calories so I passed it to Johnny.

Now to the good part. I wish I could just tell you to close your eyes as I describe the sights and sounds but there’s two problems with that. One, you obviously couldn’t read it with your eyes shut. But Two, there’s absolutely no way to describe everything and the feelings that came along with it. The boat went in a circle through the canal/river and passed by many of the famous buildings and churches. My favorites were the Eiffel tower and all of the bridges. So like I mentioned on day one, I LOVE the night and I love seeing the lights. The Eiffel was breathtakingly gorgeous! Again, illuminated by blue lights, and every hour, the whole thing twinkled like a thousand tiny stars were dancing on its beams. The pictures don’t do it justice! I stood on the roof of the boat in silence. You could hear the water crashing against the boat, the sky was lit up by a tower of electric fireworks, and all I could think about was how freaking romantic this was and how freaking alone I was. I chuckled to myself at how pathetic that was and returned to my seat slightly disappointed. I also loved the bridges. We must have gone under ten bridges, each of them different and beautiful in their own way. My favorite was the Alexander bridge that I didn’t care for yesterday. But tonight, illuminated by the moon and the street lights, the gold glistened and it reminded me of expensive China my grandmother once had. Pure white with gold trimming. Massive yet so delicate, kinda like me! haha

For some reason, Johnny was pretty quiet the whole night. He went to the roof a few times and that gave Tamara and I a chance to have more girl talk about life and love, Paris and loneliness, and how I was going to serenade her all night long. LoL. That’s when it REALLY sank in. I’m in Paris!!!!! My heart just melted and the butterflies in my stomach began to flutter and I couldn’t stop smiling. It was quiet for a while as we both just stared out of the window. I finally looked across the table to see Tamara smiling as well. We just looked at each other for a moment, giggled a little, speaking so much without saying one word, and toasted to being in Paris alone, but together, and to good men waiting at home :-)

Day Two- Part Two

2008-10-10T02:04:00.000-07:00

WARNING: NOT TO BE READ IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 OR IF YOU’RE MY GRANDMA. (I just don’t want you to get mad that I had to see this kind of show!!)

Sorry that I couldn’t finish before I’m really having trouble trying to find time to post. I told Johnny that I’m going to need a vacation from my vacation! Ok, so the Burlesque show…

Hold on, I need to bust out laughing before I begin. Oh it was ridiculous!........

Ok I’m ready. So, Lido was the name. As Johnny says, it’s one of the most popular shows. Again, I don’t know how valid that is, but it’s really insignificant in the scheme of things. The place is arranged with tables on different levels so everyone can see the stage. We were seated at a round booth right in the middle. Perfect seats! Perfect for me to sneak out and use the restroom for a VERY long time. LoL.

I’m going to start by saying some positive things about the show. You always want to start with something positive right before you drop the bomb, right? Let’s see…

1) The men had good bodies. That’s always a plus. And they wore thongs… which is disgusting, but they DID have nice butts.

2) The stage was amazing! Like… magical seriously. Things just appeared out of the floor! One minute there’s an Egyptian pyramid coming out of the floor, then the stage is raining, then there’s dancing horses (yes, I said dancing), and fake (but life size) elephants driving around, and then HUGE waterfalls, and THEN and ice skating ring. The stage was NOT that big! Where were these things appearing from?!?! Like really, the props were crazy insane!

3) There was this one guy in little white skivvies doing that twirly thing with the ropes hanging from the ceiling, but they weren’t ropes, they were white sheets and he was performing over waterfalls with some pretty sexy music. Um…. Need I say more. Equation: half naked man + sheets + sounds of waterfalls…. Never mind… I think we all get the point. How about them Packers?!?!

4) Most amazing of all!!!! So there were these two guys in skivvies (hm this sounds familiar) but they were spray painted gold so they were all super shiny! Ok how do I explain this one… you know how there’s those acrobat guys that do crazy stuff using the weight of the other guy to balance him, like one guy is bent backwards at the knees completely parallel with the gound while the other guy has his back of the first guys thighs and he’s parallel with the ground too and they’re just balancing there? Did that make ANY sense? Ok well let’s explain his one. One guy was sating normal while the other guy was doing a one handed hand-stand on the dude’s head. CRAZY! These guys were YOLKED =D They had such amazing control because everything was in slow motion. O man it was seriously insane and VERY impressive!

Alright now reasons why the show was HORRIBLE!!

1) The music was only OK.

2) The dancing was horrific! I’d rather watch grass grow than watch them. Coming from a used to be/wanna be dancer, I was so embarrassed for them. They looked like they were waving their hands around shooing flies rather than actually dancing!

3) Um, 75% of the time, the girls didn’t have tops on. Now I really couldn’t help but laugh the whole time, not because I’m immature and I couldn’t be mature enough to appreciate…. Boobs? NO, it was horrible. It was wrong on SO many levels. One, THEY DIDN’T EVEN HAVE ANY BOOBS!!!!!!!! I started to think that maybe they were short girls so they had to substitute men in their place! I mean, how do you interview for a job like that? Hey so you wanna work here? Show me your boobs? NO, of course not. That’s why most don’t have any!!! Two, nothing about the show was sexy, especially when they’re busy swatting flies! Three, there was NO reason for them to not have tops, period. Why, why do they have to show boobs? Is the show about the dancing? I sure hope not! The singing? There were only three songs that had singing in it. So, really just because it sounds better than going to a strip club? Give me a break. Perverts!! Ugh. Where was I?.... OH

4) Men wore thongs. Do I really need to elaborate?

5) It was just plain corny, seriously. One dance has an Egyptian theme and then out of no where there’s these women running around with fluffy pink marshmallow looking things and then out of no where they’re all cats and ware wolves crawling on the floor. Its just so random and tacky and thrown together. The costumes were… interesting. I think they could have taken YARDS of fabric from their giant hats and covered up their boobies!!

6) I saved the best for last. You guys really aren’t going to get the full effect of this but you gotta try. I gotta set this up first. Picture two drum sticks with a string connecting the two at the tips. Got that part so far? Then picture a giant yo-yo that;s in the shape of an hour glass. Now, this giant yo-yo is not connected to the string, rather it spins really fast and when the little man with lots of make up and soaking wet long hair in his face flails around like he found ants in his pants, the yo-yo contraption flies and spins seemingly uncontrollably. But no, it IS controlled apparently. So he gets two and then three of these things going and there’s this crazy techno music and a strobe light going and you feel like you’re at a rave because these yo-yo things are all lit up. The little man with lots of make up and wet hair is running all over the stage and, although I’m sure this requires and extreme amount of talent, it was the dumbest thing I think I’d ever seen. I was literally embarrassed for him. I sat there with my hands over my mouth most of the time trying to hide my laughter. At the end, after the big finally, the music goes out with a band and he throws his arms out and head back like “ta daa”…. And there’s light clapping… awkwaaard! He’s breathing WAY too hard and you can see it in his face that he is saying to himself, “O-M-G I can’t believe I actually pulled that off! I am SO the bomb. You go boy with your sexy self! Yes, Marco was right, I think the wet hair really made me look 10 times sexier. And Sheila, she did a darn good job on my make-up. They love me. O they love me!”

No. I did not love crazy raver man. I did not love wolverine. I did not love the bird ladies, the auto shop men, the flower head girls. I did not love the show, I did not like the show. I would NEVER recommend anyone waist $200 to see the show!! I could have been sleeping. But now. I was looking at… well… you know. Never again, no way. I’m traumatized!

Day Two- Part One

2008-10-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

So if Random Fact of the day (now RFOD) #1 was weird Frenchmen, then ROFD #2 is that the French sure so love their carbs! Bread is EVERYWHERE!!!!! It’s like I’m in heaven =) For breakfast I had some runny eggs that almost made me puke and croissants, three actually, smothered in Nutella, which is my new favorite, by the way.
After breakfast we got ready and walked to the Arc de Triomphe which is less than a mile away. I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s HUGE and beautiful. We climbed to the top… no “lift.” I think Johnny said it was somewhere around 200 spiral steps in a VERY tight and confined area. 200 really didn’t seem so bad, but we were all out of breath before we got even a quarter of the way up! Once we got to the top, I was completely breathless, and not because of the stairs. You could see a 360 view of all of Paris, from the Eiffel Tower to the Louve to Sacred Heart Church and Notre Dame. We took plenty of pictures, probably way too many. As I was looking through some of them, I realized either Johnny’s $3,000 camera is crap or we just don’t know how to use it because a lot of the pictures didn’t come out too good. My $300 Canon would have done a better job but my battery died as soon as we left the hotel! Anyway, so one sign caught my attention. It had the typical no eating and no drinking pictures on it. No smoking of course… but then a picture of a person, like one of those pictures of a man on a restroom door. There was a circle around it and a slash through it. What the heck was that supposed to mean? He looked a little larger than usual, so maybe it means not fat people? We got a kick out of that one LoL
After the Arc, we walked to the Eiffel Tower again to get some pictures. We started at the Film Museum at one end so we could get a good view. In the courtyard there was this HUGE crowd and loud club music playing. Of course, me and music and dancing, I literally ran over to see what all the hype was about. Sure enough in the middle of the crowd was a large croup of kids ranging from 7 or so to probably 18ish and their instructor just kinda grooving. Nothing choreographed or anything, just dancing and doing some interesting moves. I REALLY had the urge to just jump in the middle and bust a move but I wasn’t sure how the French would respond. I’ve been hearing all around that they hate Americans. (Which btw Brianna, tell Ryan he’s crazy and wrong because they’ve been really nice so far!) So anyway, needless to say Johnny and Tamara were ready to move on and had to drag me away.
We took millions of pictures and walked through the Tower again and continued on to some bridge, the Alexandria bridge which is supposed to be the most expensive bridge EVER because it has huge gold statues. I need to do my research on that though because Johnny pretty much exaggerates with everything. We totally got lost looking for it and when we got to it, it was a bridge. And it had some gargoyles of some sort. They were shiny but seriously? All that walking for that?!?! Whatever.
At this point, I’m hungry (surprise) so we had to find some food. On the way we passed by where they beheaded Marie Antoinette (or someone like the… I don’t remember). It was really nothing to look at because they obviously don’t have any guillotines there anymore. So we finally found a little restaurant on the street to eat at. I had some chicken and French fries and a crepe for dessert! It was so yummy!!! Johnny had escargot. I wanted to puke. I’m sorry but I know entirely too much about mollusks to EVER want to put them in my mouth.
Next stop was Notre Dame and Saint Chapelle. St. Chapelle used to be a prison or something. I would have liked to go in, but Johnny wasn’t so interested. So we pressed on to Notre Dame. Ok, so it was pretty and all, but it started to look the same as every other building on the exterior. Inside was amazing though. We actually walked around the inside while mass was going on, which I thought was a little rude but everyone else was doing it. So I went along. The pictures really don't do it justice. The interior is massive and you just get this feeling when you just sit and listen, close your eyes.... it was majestic and holy. Amazing is more like it. After we left we caught the metro back to the hotel and that's when it gets interesting.

To be continued......

(here's a link to our 300 something pictures so far. I haven't had a chance to sort through them and take out any bad ones or duplicates, so feel free to quickly browse through them if you want.)

Day One

2008-10-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

The flight went extremely well, minus the fact that we almost missed it. Apparently our plane was in a “remote” location WAY on the other side of the airport and we had to take a bus over there. We grabbed some grub outside of our gate and as we were relaxing (because we still had 45 minutes) a gentleman came running around asking everyone if they were on AirFrance. Just as he got to us, we hear our names announced over the loud speaker! Oops. By the time we got to the gate, there wasn’t a soul there. But hey, let’s just say we were fashionably late. =)

Praise God for foreign airlines. The seats are more spacious, they actually give you a blanket AND a pillow, you can watch TV, movies, listen to music, or play video games (I stuck with Blackjack). They even gave you a little pouch with one of those eye cover up thingies so you can sleep! So I slept MOST of the time, read a little (Five Love Languages [for Singles]… READ IT, EVERYONE!), and got to know Tamara a little more. I was pretty hesitant to go on this trip with the “boss” and his wanna-be girlfriend. So as her and I were talking, it came out that she’s actually talking to someone. Hm, that’s odd because I’m pretty sure Johnny said that THEY were getting “serious.” Womp womp woooomp. Let’s just say that there were diamonds and a broken heart involved. We’ll spare the rest of the drama because gossiping is no bueno.

So one thing I noticed about French people, they STARE! Oh my goodness it’s so awkward. At home, if a guy is staring at you and you catch him, he’ll at least try to hide it and look away. Not in France they don’t. They burn a hole in your head staring you down with zero facial expressions. At least smile for goodness sake! This guy on the plane looked like he wanted to eat us! And then I caught him trying to pop a pimple!!! Excuse me Mr. Frenchman but you’re definitely not getting any play like that. Let’s try not to pop pimples on planes. Thanks.

We made it through immigration with more men with hungry eyes (at least they were kind enough to blatantly flirt… aaaawwwwkkkrwwaaaaarrrdd). After finally making it through crazy traffic in the rain, we found our hotel right on Champ Elysees, less than a mile or so from the Arc de Triomphe! All we have to do is walk out of our front door and there it is. Beautiful! We quickly changed and grabbed a taxi for the Eiffel Tower. I couldn’t help but admire the cobblestone-ish streets, huge trees, and maniac intersections! As we rounded the corner, there it was, 7,300 tons of steal illuminated by blue lights adorned by a bright circle of stars. I could have sat there for hours just taking it all in. Instead we ran to the “lift” (not the elevator) to get out of the rain. We ascended 153 meters into the point of the tower and stepped into a swanky and modern restaurant, Le Jules Vernes. They sat us at a window seat overlooking the front of the tower and the Arc. We ordered a filet mignon (amazing, better than Ruth’s Chris) and a bottle of wine and toasted to good food, good men (well, really one specifically), and being in Paris. But I noticed one thing as the conversation died down and everyone’s mind drifted off into their own thoughts, I looked out and could see the whole city. If you know me well enough, you’d know that I LOVE to see the city lights. I love the aerial views of the city with all of the cars, street lights, and stop lights all twinkling like the starts in the blackness of the night (not so much in Rancho I guess…). I realized that although it was nice to be eating at the most expensive restaurant I could imagine at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France all dressed up eating the best steak ever and enjoying a glass of wine, if I’m not with someone I truly care about, it means nothing. I don’t mean to say that I’m not thankful because I definitely am, but would almost rather be with someone I care about in dirty old California riding bikes, hitting the slopes, or cuddling on the couch. I’d rather be eating sushi with someone I care about that eating steak alone in one of the most romantic cities in the world. Somehow, it’s just not all that amazing when you’re alone (or at least with one person you just met and another you’d classify as an annoying brother).

Anyway, so that’s all the gushiness for today. It’s time for bed. We have a long day tomorrow. Johnny said he wants to stay back at the room and rest and Tamara and I can go out and do whatever. His feelings (PRIDE) is just hurt, if you ask me. Get over it and pass the diamonds this way!!! LoL

Today's the Day!

2008-10-06T10:42:00.000-07:00

I leave tonight for Paris and won't be returning until the 16th... possibly later though. I'll miss everyone like crazy! If you missed my Toronto e-mails, no worries. Back by popular demand, I (really the amazing sister) created this blog for my Paris trip! This way you can find out what kind of trouble I'm getting myself into. Hope you all enjoy! I love you all and I am extremely thankful for each and every one of you. I am truly blessed.

Until later...
Ashley
a.k.a.
Yelhsa, Yelhsie, Liver, Chooch, Sister, The Super- to your -Nova, World Changer ;-)